DEAR DIARY

DEAR DIARY,

Can u promise one thing? i wish u dont leave like others does to me when they found someone much better than me. u are my bestfriend until the end, i know it might sound crazy, but diary, whenever i need u, u always there to me. Althought i know u cant say a word but i know u can hear my heart saying evrythng than im not cmfrtable with. From the start, u there for me when i need u, u soothe me, mke the pains swirl away so away..

Diary, am i a bad friend? am i bad? why in the end the people i care, the people i loved will leave me after all that i sacrfice for them? why did i always feel that people only search for me when they are in trouble, or got no one to help them..what am i to them? a SUPPORT MACHINE? WHAT? why cant just they be friend with me because who i was. for my real self. I did notice, there's a type of people which that always surround me. They pretend to be your very goodfriend, but when u take a closer look, they eat u a live.

Mungkin aku yang bodoh kan diary? aku bodoh sebab slalu nk pkir tak bek buat jht kat org, walopn terang2 dorg wt jht kat aku. did u know diary, what thing that hurt me the most? when someone yg aku called KAWAN yg hnya mempergunakan kebaikan aku, keperihatinan aku just tok kepentingan diri dier. mase die hapy, aku ader die ingat? tak de pon aku rse..aku sedar die hanya crik aku mse die ader problem, mse die nk bantuan. tpi mse aku perlukan seseorang, i just cant find one. Mama slalu ckp, "Allah takkan uji umat die tu melebihi kemampuan diri dier". Aku tak rse mama tau btapa tinggi ujian Allah tu dekat aku. Aku tau mama pernah cakap aku nie keras hati, berdendam suma...tpi the truth is im not like that. hati aku tak sekeras yg mama sgka.

Aku hanya berlgak aku keras hati. Itu jer cara untuk aku troskan perjalanan hidup aku yg terlalu byk sgt dugaan. Secara luaran aku rse suma org rse aku ni hapy-go-lucky person, to tell u the truth diary, im so not like that. hati aku jika boleh dilihat, sgt2 amat terluka. Diary...sesungguhnya aku sngt penat nk puaskn hati suma orang. aku tak nmpk pon perbzaan layanan org kat aku biler aku bek. sekarang aku dh jht, hati aku dh tak dpt tgong rse skit suma.

Diary, janji dengan aku jgn tgglkan aku. sebab aku tau hnye ko jer yg tau sgla rse skit hati aku. only u know the pain inside me. u know me so well. aku nk sngat seorang kawan yg tak semestinyer akan slalu ader di hadapan aku. i want sumone who akan ader mse aku nk dier, mybe sumone that who are not alwys infront to walk with me, but sumone who are at my back to support me, who WATCH my life, who are sumone that willing to be infront of me to tke the pain firts b4 me, or sumone who are willing to be at my back so im not left behnd or be the last.